Thursday, February 20, 2003

NP:Dinosaur Jr.-Thumb.

i miss having hope.Hope that i would'nt be alone 90% of my life.Hope that one day i would find the perfect girl.Hope that my band would have some sort of success.Hope that i would'nt become just some weirdo with long hair who spends most of his time writing fucked up lyrics because he's so afraid to just tell people how he really views this world and how he really,truly feels about the people around him.Hope that this crippling shyness would,much like my NiN worship,just be a phase that i would outgrow.Hope that maybe someday people might just actually try and see me for who i am rather than for what brand of jeans i wear or what bands i listen too.Hope that these deep dark brooding thoughts would weaken with age instead of stregthen.

I miss laughing.I miss looking into a beautiful girls eyes and getting lost in the promise it may or may not bring.No one ever said we would become walking cadavers when we hit 19.I'm getting fucking sick of the apathy and the indifference that everyone has about everything.people still are hung up on this whole "Lets be Dead To The World and not show any sort of emotion towards anything,and if the scenario arises in which we have to shed a tear or break a window,lets just shrug our shoulders,say something ironic,and go see a shitty movie and laugh at how shitty it is but then say that we liked it in a really sarcastic condesending way so we'll give people the impression that we have a sense of humor when we don't have any original thoughts floating in our burnt out heads".it's fucking old.you all want to be Kurt Cobain.well here's some irony for you assholes,Kurt Cobain did'nt even wanna be Kurt Cobain.and he was MURDERED.no suicide.Murder.you all know it but you stick to the belief that he killed himself because in my generation's sick and twisted logic Suicide is Glamorious.it makes him out to be a martyr when he really was a victim.there is much more evidence to support the fact that he was murdered ( http://www.justiceforkurt.com ) then there is to support the fact that he killed himself.Just cause someone writes "depressing" songs does'nt mean he offed himself.you all think you understand what he was saying in his lyrics because you think he killled himself,but how in the fuck can you say you knew what was going on in his head when we wrote those songs?how fucking arrogant can you be?

stop trying to find a deffition or an explantion behind everything and just let things hit you and apply them to your own life if you must,but don't try and understand art or poetry,just let it fucking be.

well as usual i got off the subject.not that it was an important subject to begin with,but i needed to unload on the no one who reads this thing.my fingers hurt.

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