Tuesday, November 25, 2003

i'm not in a very coherent mood right now.

many of us are doomed to live our lives as the butts of cruel jokes, watching others around us walk a similar line.

born to be punchlines.

sometimes our minds are good enough, but not our bodies. our bodies recieve the pleasure which is carried to the mind, which leads to relief and happiness. when our bodies are denied such pleasure, our minds are deined of pleasure. so we're left to brood, over analyse, disect, distort, replay, rearange, kill ourselves only to reamerge from the proverbial womb with a false sense of redemption.

then; total relapse.

i'm a love junkie. i've slowly learned that fact. my love is an opiate laced with bleach and depressants. it's made me into a sickly, repulsive emotional mess who relies on metaphors and adjectives to get his point across.

i'm safe in my delusions, the same way lunatics are safe in sanatariums. sure, you're not infecting others, but you're not getting any healthier. you're forced every day not to face your demons, but to give them their fix. the same way diabetics rely on shots to get through every day of their lives.

you won't find a cure. you'll never get better. but you also won't die.

you'll live every day of your life with an almost unbearable pain, but at least no one will have to pay for a funeral and make up nice things to say about you so they don't look like assholes.


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