Saturday, March 05, 2005

NP:Rorschach-Drawn and Quartered

i have a tendency to get to attached to people, to the point of becoming an annoyance they begin to ignore. it's one of the byproducts of being a solitary misfit 90% of the time. i can usually spot this behavior, and after a soul sucking amount of personal reflection, i back off. stay silent. store a lot. vent a little. repeat.

sorry to bother you.

guys, be my freind.
girls, be my lover.

i know you thought i was the strong, silent type. but i'm no Clint Eastwood. i'm just a shy boy who likes grindcore, weird books/movies, and writing about how fucked up i've made myself. it's another product of being "a loner"; talking about myself, to myself, because no one else is dumb enough to listen. i envy them.

if i tend to be misanthropic or nihilistic, it's only because i've allowed myself to get burned, by faith, humanity, and faith in humanity. i'm not completely hopeless, though. in the last year i have met some great people. i have written some stuff i am proud of. i have played songs that are almost strong enough to build an ego out of the loathing.

yet here i am, raging against some kind of machine on some kind of machine, wondering where i went wrong instead of being happy with what went right. torturing myself over my own dellusions and distortions of other people thoughts instead of taking the time to ask them what they really think. about me, about us, about everything.

i fucking hate winter.

NP:Rorschach-Recurring Nightmare


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