Thursday, July 14, 2005


i'm looking to calm my nerves after getting about an hour into a Batman Begins bootleg only to find that an entire chunk of the movie was missing. what scenes were missing? howabout Batman's unveiling? howabout Scarecrow's unveiling? no more bootleg DVDs for me.

i'm thinking i have too many outlets for writing. aside from the notebooks, i have 3 blogs. one of them is strictly for band stuff, the other is my more "funny" stuff, and this one? i guess this is the personal emoite shite. the belly-aching, the piss moans and pointless groans.

i am starting to get joy out of watching those who have wronged me fail, as if karma is finally catching up with them. it's a beautiful powerful almost benumbing feeling.

and again all i can do is write grindcore poetry about it.

i am also approaching some thoughts that are really frightening me in a trancendent way. those are thoughts of romance, getting married, slow dances, settling down. there's a laugh. i haven't even shot up. i don't even know if i believe in marriage or soul mates, i don't think i'm willing to accept Valentine's Day as anything more than a suicidal loner's Mardi Gras. yet, when i think about certain someones, when i listen to certain songs, i get some kind of corrosive feeling that could only be described as warm and fuzzy.

too bad i can't write beautiful music. then i could purge these emotions the same way i purge the bad stuff, get it out of my system and function on a regular basis.

maybe i should just get some sleep.


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