Thursday, July 07, 2005

NP:Lightning Bolt-Dracula Mountain

is everybody going vegan, or is it just that every vegan is an overbearing self important loudmouth who can't just let people be?

basing your beliefs around your diet is the first indication that you're more than likely completely devoid of any real character or personality. the world is not a safer place because you picked the salad over the steak, and you're not a better person for it either.

alright enough of that.

things are looking bright on the creative front. the band will be recording an EP in 2 weeks, a publisher is interested in some of my writing. seems like everything i worked for in the last few years is slowly starting to pay off.

why do i still go to bed with unfullfilled guts? why am i always running headfirst into past traumas, all guns blazing only to find the chambers are empty? am i looking for an excuse to still be miserable and finding nothing, so i'll just be miserable about having nothing to complain about? i've cannibalized the muse until there wass barely any skeleton left and still i have trouble getting to sleep at night. pathetic piano music still loops in my head like generic romance and wake up, still unhappy.

on the fourth of july, i spent the day with my brother (it was his 21st birthday) and his friends. it was a tug of war between my mother telling me not to drink and everyone else telling me to drink. i guess people like me better drunk. as the night wound down and we all huddled inside for coffee and cake i noticed something; everyone had someone. every guy had a girl, their arms wrapped around the other like pythons. i sat in a corner and saw i had no one and quietly slinked into the shadow canal of my room.

maybe that's it. maybe the loathing hasn't truly payed off. i'm still alone. if the cd gets good reviews. if the books get published. i'm still me. and nobody likes me.

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