Saturday, January 29, 2005

i was sitting in my history class, and noticed for the first time how savagely ugly some of my peers are. i mean, i'm no Johnny Depp, but most of these people are grotesque. big noses, a face full of ruptured capilaries, greasy and or mangled hair cuts. it looks like someone passed out some Old Navy gift certificates to a bunch of Dick Tracy villains."there's Pork Cheek! Hairlip! Period Face! and look at their snazzy sweater vests!" and then they douse themselves in cologne, hiding their piggish pheromes with a scent that only be described as a bulgarian urinal after a school of mud sharks have been gutted, their innards rung out over a radiator on full blast.

Friday, January 28, 2005

NP:Negative Reaction - Nebula and the Two-Toed Sloth

a rambling manifesto that unmasks and quickly wraps itself in a sheet.

i've been disecting my beliefs, politcial/religious/etc. for awhile. and now i think i've come to some kind of a conclusion about where on the lines i lie.

i've come to the realization that i, as a human being, am little more that hypocsrisy and double stadards stacked up and tied together with rope that iritates my burns to the center of a bitter heart that drenches itself in hateful, poisonous blood. to tag myself with a religious or poltical offilation would be gratutious, obnoxious, all together pointless, as the description of a human is that of a complex machine constantly at war with thought and emotion. to pick up some color coded label from the bowls of politics and relgion would negate any humanity i might have left. I am hypocritical, but i can at least recognize when i'm contardicting myself, and when others are doing it as well. when tagged with lables of religious and/or poltical leanings imediaetly blinders are sewn into your eyes, and you only see the world with either the lovely utopia lens or the pit of chaos, chaos from a world where those on your side have failed, and you have to fight those evil forces before the Terminator can kill John Connor or whatever comic book fantasy of good and evil these pathetic one dimensional microchosims of exploitation belch out of their sewers on a regular basis.

too many people on this planet have supressed one side in favor of pumping up another to steroid-dominance. and it will be the downfall of the entire world. the earth will rot at it's core until the waters are cyanide laced acids, until the dirt becomes corrosive grains, until the vines hold nothing but toy versions of the earth's disease.

believe in nothing. embrace death. you'll unleash everything possible and exhaust all of life's potential. the mind itself is a planet of uncharatble and untapped recources.

let them loose.

NP:Negative Reaction-Deathbed

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

it always looks like night in this room.

i've been thinking about love again. my abilty to love someone so much that mainling my blood into an ice cap would flood the earth, and my inabilty to tell that someone the depth of my love, the quanity of it without completely alienating that indivitual or setting myself up for a devestating crash into depression's tarpit of humilation.

i've grown tired of waiting, but my number one fear is that i'll never meet someone, and i'll go running back to old sources of emotional discomfort, if only for their familiarity. those old ghosts, thinning sheets revealing more of their acid drenched skeletons, still leech off what little appeal i have for them, and i worry that they'll disarm me with celestial hallucinegents and angelic carcingents. they sneek in like illegal aliens at the border whenever i hear a sadly beautiful song underscoring a warm, cinematic embrace. i fight back with literary disecting tools, gutting them until i hit that evil spot, that ugliness that reminds me why i cast off these monsters.

lately it hasn't been enough, and i'm starting to be enveloped by fireballs and ice cubes. one extreme or the other, no comfort zone or middle ground.

tomorrow i start my second semester at Hofstra. that should take my mind off this idiocy...until the end of May, that is.

MAIL-SCORE:

Oxbow - Let Me Be a Woman, Fuckfest/King of the Jews double cd
Unruh - Setting Fire to Sinking Ships
Exit 13 - Ethos Musik
Lydia Lunch - Honeymoon in Red
Watchmaker - Kill. Crush. Destroy.