Friday, April 15, 2005

now THIS is how you execute a bastard;

A particularly horrendous ancient Persian form of execution called Scaphismus, or "The Boats" and is described by the twelfth century historian Zonaras:
"Two boats are joined together, one on top of the other, with holes cut in them in such a way that only the victim's head, feet, and hands are left outside. within these boats the man to be punished is placed lying on his back and the boats are then nailed together with iron bolts. Food is given, and by prodding his eyes he is forced to eat, even against his will. Next they pour a mixture of milk and honey into the wretched man's mouth until he is filled to the point of nausea, smearing his face, feet and arms with the same mixture. And by turning the coupled boats about, they arrange that his eyes are always facing the sun. This is repeated every day, the effect being that flies, wasps, and bees, attracted by the sweetness, settle on his face and all such parts of him as project outside the boats, and miserably torment and sting him. Moreover, as he does inside the closed boats those things which men are bound of necessity to do after eating and drinking, the resulting corruption and putrefaction of the liquid excrement's give birth to swarms of worms of different sorts which, penetrating his clothes, eat away his flesh. Thus the victim, lying in the boats, his flesh rotting away in his own filth, is devoured by worms and dies a lingering and horrible death, for when the upper boat is removed, his body is seen to be all gnawed away, and all about his innards is found a multitude of these and the like insects, that grow denser every day."

(The Book Of Execution, donated by Littleredrobot)

Wonder Showzen contains offensive, despicable content that is too controversial and too awesome for actual children. The stark, ugly, profound truths Wonder Showzen exposes may be soul crushing to the weak of spirit. If you allow a child to watch this show, you are a bad parent or guardian.

watch this show.
"You want to learn, you'll lay down and you'll relax and accept it. You gotta walk it alone. I can show you the path, but I can't walk along and hold your hand. So if you're ready, as ugly as it is and as bad as it smells, release it! Release it. Come on, open up your soul and let the snake in."

- Jake Roberts.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Waving Goodbye to a Dead City

the air is rich with a sludge too life affirming to be called oxygen. the marionettes dance with compound fractures, leaving jack-boot imprints on nature's tar and cement casket. maybe it's the decay auroma of rodents mummified in soiled garbage, or the metallic cocktails of lakes tainted from bladders and livers, but for some reason i can't say goodbye to this dead city.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

my head is full of poo butter.

little things set me off. irrational stupid pointless little things. in the last few days little things, like people pointing out my spelling errors or telling me i don't know the meaning of a word, make me feel like my insides are being cooked in vomit.

so few things bring me any kind of satisfaction, and when i pour a lot of my blood into something and someone blows irrelevant negatives out of proportion, focusing in on them as if to discredit my work in it's entirety, it pisses me off.

it shouldn't.

i know to these people it's just off hand comments, and i know something about those. i don't want any special treatment, i don't want to be coddled. but i also don't want to be ridiculed, especially when these people haven't ever put a fraction of themselves into anything they've ever done. especially since most of these people don't know jack-shit about creating something; ingesting their work and letting their work injest them. they only know how to critique, how to attack the weak points of others while contibuting no useful analysis of what they are looking at.

...i've been writing a lot of these lately. pointless tirades that go nowhere. i've had a pretty bad creative block these last few weeks. a few bursts here and there, but mostly just nothing. a pale grey atmosphere underscored by mild waves.

things are making less and less sense. i get words mixed up. i get wrapped up in the image and the emotion to the point of being unable to articulate it, to make any kind of sense out of it. to make any kind of art out of it.

maybe i've got too much stuff bottled up. all of the bad stuff is try to get out at once, getting stuck in the door, getting angrier, scarier, sadder, more distressed, more frustrated. guess i just have to push them back and let them out one at a time. examine the girl problems first, then the school shit, than the family nonsense, then the peer nonsense, then wait for the innevitable cluster fuck of insecurties, rage, and disapointment, then repeating everything.

i guess this was my bi-monthly emotional breakdown...this time in verse.

NP:Meat Puppets-Oh Me.
so the girl i'm stalking says to me she says "you're a pessimist. the glass is always half empty".

that's not pessimism.

pessimism: the glass is only half empty when the contents are delicious. the glass is always half full when the contents are toxic.

if the contents are delicious, then they are half gone, soon to be all gone. you'll then spend the rest of your days searching for that good taste, turning it into an addiction, a negative.

if the contents are toxic, then you've just injested half of it, and now it's coarsing through your system, eating you from the inside out. you still have half the glass to finish, and that half will kill you.

the good is always in short supply, teasing and tempting, turning you bitter. the bad is in abundance, forcing its way into your system to reinforce and provoke all those negative thoughts left from the abscense of the good.

THAT is pessimism. damned if you do, damned if you don't. damned to do, damned to not do. not the glass being half empty, but not knowing what the fuck it is you're drinking.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

NP:Pixies-I Can't Forget

had to write a mind-numbing 9 page story for my Creative Writing Workshop, which i've titled "This Story Hates You". hope no one takes it the wrong way.

it's just me. a more melodramtic version of me, who says stuff i only think about saying but never do because i might hurt someone's feewings. that "someone" by the way never thinks twice about stomping my feelings into pulpy puddles of pathetic gore, tracking sand into my exposed insides and selling the organs that still work on the black market to people who don't know what my organs need, what they eat etc. they'll just lock them in a freezer....this is going nowhere.

i only have about 5 weeks of school left before the summer break kicks in. hopefully i'll get some stuff done over the break rather than just procrastinating....i've notice a lot more people using that word. it's becoming a bit of a buzz word among my peers....i hate my peers, so i'll do my damndest to avoid using it. cause they're dumb and i don't like them. cause they're dumb.

this is a total filler entry.

NP:Converge-Hell to Pay