Saturday, July 16, 2005

people just keep discovering new ways to piss me off it seems.

is it crazy that someone telling me that "seeing Lamb of God live is better than anything related to Joy Divison" just has me crippled with rage?

am i taking things too seriously?

when someone says a half-ass metal band is better than one of the most important, influential and brilliant bands of all time, is it okay to be this infuriated?

should words on a screen bother me this much?

do i have anger problems?

am i wrong?

is "Now You've Got Something to Die For" really a better song than "Atmosphere"?

now i have heard some goddamn stupid shit, and i have heard some stupid goddamn shit, but that is without a doubt the goddamndest stupidest goddamn stupid shit i have ever read, heard, seen, etc.

i mean, jesus christ.

Lamb of God?


have i been so blind?

the internet is further imparing my ability to tell the difference between malice and parody, as well as my ability to express malice and parody. i get the 2 mixed up more than ever it seems.

sorry about the dicketry.

Friday, July 15, 2005

oh yeah, and kill politics now.

the fact that some people voted for Bush (and are planning to vote for other republicans) just to spite those "loony lefties" is proof positive that the people of the country are a bunch of obnoxious sniveling petty children who are more concerned with pissing off Phish fans then with the well-being of their country and society. you're all so god damn sickening that it's almost giving me a rage induced hard-on. i know i've labeled myself a nihilist, but the un-managed anger inside me just can't help but cut off their index, thumb, pinkie, and ring fingers just so they can graft middle ones in their place to spare themselves the arthritis of crinkling their fingers down to expose the lone middle one.

grow the fuck up you black-blood vomiting cunts. it's okay to admire someone for pissing people off and "not giving a shit" (whatever that vauge term means anymore) if they're a rock star or a pro-wrestler, NOT if they're the people in charge of the fucking country you god damn shit-eating asshole-grinning one-track minded mongoloids. it's fine if Seth Putnam is a bloated drunken amoral asshole junkie, not when the people in charge are.

at least i admit that i want the world to end. you all attempt to hide your armaggedon-fetishes. you're pathetic and ugly and hateful in the worst way posssible.

we don't need you. nobody loves you.

NP:Rotten Sound-Targets

this is what i wrote in response to a Myspace bullentin.

bulletin tile: So Sick Of...

my response:

people taking all their anger and directing it at the most inane bullshit, churning out equally inane bullshit tirades over the internt. "emo is gay" "hardcore dancing is gay" "i hate metalcore" "fuck remakes" "the radio sucks" "fuck MTV". maybe if you spent more time trying to manage your anger, look within yourself and attempt to actually vent your frustrations in a constructive way as opposed to assholing off on the internet about every stupid-shit thing you wouldn't be such a lame boring boring lame. get off the fucking message boards, take in the real poison of mankind, and shut the fuck up already.

hypocritical? maybe. but i like to think i constructively critique the bullshit i see, opting for more creative ways of expressing my anger, at least more creative than "fuck this you're gay" etc. it's only recently started to get to me, the fact that all this fresh negativity is being wasted on such trival useless nonsense.

you hate everything.
your job sucks.
girls don't like you.
movies are too expensive.
TV is mindless.
MTV doesn't play enough music.
Emo music is lame AND gay.
You're tired of hardcore dancing at shows.
People are shit.

i get it; you're mad.

now do something with it.

anything but this.
new Soilent Green is amazing. glad to hear the big grooves are back. i'm a little sad to hear the high pitch screams gone, but the low vocals sound furious so that more than makes up for it. i dig these little 45 second jazz interludes aswell, it gives the album some nice variety and character the previous album lacked (thought that album was great for being a straight forward swamp-grind album). i'll be seeing them this coming monday @ the Knitting Factory w/ a bunch of metalcore bands not worth their weight in cunt and booze opening, but it's a small price to pay to see my favorite band play live.

favorite tracks: Pretty Smiles and Shattered Teeth, Theory of Pride in Tragedy, They Lie to Hide the Truth, Fingernails on a Chalkboard, A Permanent Solution to a Temporary Problem.

Thursday, July 14, 2005


i'm looking to calm my nerves after getting about an hour into a Batman Begins bootleg only to find that an entire chunk of the movie was missing. what scenes were missing? howabout Batman's unveiling? howabout Scarecrow's unveiling? no more bootleg DVDs for me.

i'm thinking i have too many outlets for writing. aside from the notebooks, i have 3 blogs. one of them is strictly for band stuff, the other is my more "funny" stuff, and this one? i guess this is the personal emoite shite. the belly-aching, the piss moans and pointless groans.

i am starting to get joy out of watching those who have wronged me fail, as if karma is finally catching up with them. it's a beautiful powerful almost benumbing feeling.

and again all i can do is write grindcore poetry about it.

i am also approaching some thoughts that are really frightening me in a trancendent way. those are thoughts of romance, getting married, slow dances, settling down. there's a laugh. i haven't even shot up. i don't even know if i believe in marriage or soul mates, i don't think i'm willing to accept Valentine's Day as anything more than a suicidal loner's Mardi Gras. yet, when i think about certain someones, when i listen to certain songs, i get some kind of corrosive feeling that could only be described as warm and fuzzy.

too bad i can't write beautiful music. then i could purge these emotions the same way i purge the bad stuff, get it out of my system and function on a regular basis.

maybe i should just get some sleep.
last night i met my evil twin. he's a real fuckstick.

- his favorite band is Midnight Oil.
- he prefers the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre to the original.
- he has a girlfreind who is way out of his league.
- he doesn't "get" David Lynch.
- he thinks the term "metrosexual" isn't ridiculous.
- his favorite comediane Judy Gold.
- he doesn't feel like half an asshole walking around in public in a pink polo shirt with an i-pod full of Ani DiFranco songs.
- he's a people person.
- he thinks wrestling is silly.
- he's "outgrown" comic books, and mocks me further when i explain to him that they aren't comic books, they are GRAPHIC NOVELS jerk-ass.
- he likes the idea of the New York Dolls signing to Roadrunner Records.
- he prefers A Perfect Circle to Tool.
- he wept with sorrow when Darth Vader Nancy Keriganed all over the screen at the end of Revenge of the Sith.
- people listen to him and value his opinons.
- he has money.
- he thinks Prince is a faggot.
- he didn't like Spawn until the movie came out.
- he totally bought a mostly dead Raul Julia as a legitimate threat to Jean Claude Van Damme in the Street Fighter movie.
- he thinks Carla Guigno is "too plain".
- he thinks Anne Rice is the literary titan of our times.
- he thinks Kevin Smith films have "realistic dialouge".
- he doesn't get sexxually aroused while watching Designing Women...
- .... or the Golden Girls.
- he thinks a movie where Bronson Pinchot plays a violent serial killer ala Joe Spinell in Maniac is a bad idea.
- he'll never read this, because he has....get active social life.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005


5. What are you wearing right now? - Swans "Filth" t-shirt, worn-out black pajama bottoms.

6. What is life to you? - the icecepades. ie a horrific waste of time with lots of lame-ass melodrama, latent and not so latent homoeroticism, and bad music, with an occasional pretzel or cheap plastic toy to put your mind at ease.

7. What are you doing now? - listening to "Purple Rain" and drinking a Carnation instant breakfast.

8. What do you hate most? - the fact that i put up with so much shit without going all D-Fens on the world.

9. What do you love most? - see above.

10. Are you musically inclined? - i am inclined to be musical.

11. What would you do if you woke up one morning and found that the person you were in love with didnt exist? - read my journals that have majic powers to transport me to various alternate i can fuck other women.

12. If you could go back in time, and change something, what would it be? - maybe i would've tried harder, but i'd just screw it up.

13. Ever had a near death experience? Explain. - blood poisoning when i was 7. walked around outside barefoot, stepped on something, that something poisoned my blood, almost died, didn't die, ddin't know i could have died until a year later. when i had the blood poisoning, my parents bought me some Ninja i'd have something to play with while i was still alive. my favorite was Slash. he was the evil bastard turtle. he had all the same weapons as the other turtles, but they had more spikes in them...because he was EVIL.

14. Name a quality you have. - the amazing ability to asshole-off all day.

15. What's the name of the song that's stuck in your head right now? - Prince's "Purple Rain". shoot the j...SHOOT IT!

16. Are you happy today? - i'm going into the city later, so yes.

17. Seen anything weird lately? - last night i saw a car that was draped over a fence on the shoulder of the road.

18. What is the word(s) most often used in your vocabulary? - that's clever shit.

19. What is the last film you saw? - an Evening with Kevin Smith.

20. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? - all the other millionaires, and take they're money.

24. Tell me some things about you that people don't know - i'm really 6 cats in a paper bag.

25. Do you like to dance? - only alone in my room at 4 in the morning to the music of Crispin Hellion Glover.

26. George Bush ________________________________. - owes me 5 dollars.

27. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? - Felatia Doom, Prudense

28. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him? - Usurper, Oderus Killmiester

29. Would you ever consider living abroad? - i don't have the legs for it.

30. What was your first official job? - shooting birds at the airport.

31. Have you had an encounter with the same sex. - yes. court precedings are pending.

32. Makeout with the person you are in love with or have sex with a dozen strangers. - not nearly enough.

33. Indecent proposal....would you have sex with a really unattractive stranger for money? - not really.

34. I love him/or her because ________________________. - she doesn't appear to be repulsed by me. that's nice.

35. If I had 24 hours before the world ended I would________________________________. - blow up the world. i'm impatient mother fucker.

36. What is your all-time favorite movie quote. - "Here's to your Fuck" from Blue Velvet

37. Soundtrack of your life? - tie between Leonard Cohen Songs of Love and Hate and Pig Destroyer Terrifyer.

Monday, July 11, 2005

I'm here, I'm here every night, I come up here every night. This is my job, this is what I do for a living. I come up here and I do the best I can. I give you the best I can. I can't do better than this. I can't. I'm only a human being up here. I'm not God... uh...alot of you out there are not...I may not be the most popular guy in the world. That's not the point. I really don't care what you think about me. I mean, who the hell are you anyway? You..."the audience"... you call me up and you try to tell me things about don't know me. You don't know anything about me. You've never seen me. You don't know what I look like. You don't know who I am, what I want, what I like, what I don't like in this world. I'm just a voice. A voice in the wilderness ...And you, like a pack of wolves descend on me, 'cause you can't stand facing what it is you are and what you've made...Yes, the world is a terrible place! Yes, cancer and garbage disposals will get you! Yes, a war is coming. Yes, the world is shot to hell and you're all goners.

Everything's screwed up and you like it that way, don't you? You're fascinated by the gory details. You're mesmerized by your own fear! You revel in floods and car accidents and unstoppable diseases....You're happiest when others are in pain!

And that's where I come in, isn't it? I'm here to lead you by the hand through the dark forest of your own hatred and anger and humiliation. I'm providing a public service. You're so scared! You're like the little child under the covers. You're afraid of the bogeyman, but you can't live without him. Your fear, your own lives have become entertainment! Tomorrow night, millions of people are going to be listening to this show, and you have nothing to talk about.

Marvelous technology is at our disposal and instead of reaching up for new heights, we try to see how far down we can deep into the muck we can immerse ourselves!

What do you want to talk about? Baseball scores? Your pet? Orgasms? You're pathetic. I despise each and every one of you. You've got nothing, absolutely nothing. No brains, no power, no future. No hope. No God.

The only thing you believe in is me. What are you if you don't have me? I'm not afraid, see? I come up here every night and I make my case, I make my point. I say what I believe in. I have to, I have no choice. You frighten me. I come up her every night and I tear into you, I abuse you, I insult you...and you just keep calling.

Why do you keep coming back? What's wrong with you? I don't want to hear any more, I've had enough. Stop talking. Don't call anymore. Go away.

Bunch of yellow-bellied, spineless, bigoted, quivering, drunken, insomniatic, paranoid, disgusting, perverted, voyeuristic little obscene phone callers. That's what you are. Well, to hell with ya.

I don't need your fear or your stupidity. You don't get it. It's wasted on you. Pearls before swine.

- from Talk Radio by Eric Bogosian.

Sunday, July 10, 2005

songs for my wedding;

Tom Waits - I Hope That I Don't Fall in Love With You
Danzig - Sistinas
Failure - The Nurse who Loved Me
Faith No More - Easy
Lou Reed - Perfect Day
Mazzy Star - Fade Into You
Pixies - Velouria
Radiohead - Lucky
the Smiths - Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me

i'm kidding myself i know. i'm probably the last person who should marry and reproduce. who wants more of me running around? christ i haven't even so much as kissed a girl in over 5 years. why am i spilling my guts right now, because i'm bored. i'm pissed. i'm sexually frustrated, morally conflicted, phycologically confused, and tired of being so goddamn desperate. maybe this little playlist is me trying to ease my mind, picture myself slowdancing to this beautiful music with the girl of my dreams, for once everyone looking at me with envy or disgust based out of jealousy rather than superiority.

i just pounded my right fist into my temple for no real reason. once again Hope Sandoval is getting me through my troubles.

no wonder people hate emo kids so damn much.