Tuesday, April 18, 2006

i had one of those "emotional break down" kind of days. the semester is kicking the shit out of me, the pressures of "real life" are starting to get to me. most people my age have jobs that can be considered careers. some of them are getting married. some of them are vomiting crotch-product onto the newborn assembly line. some of them have some sort of idea of what direction the rest of their life is going to take. i only have vague hints of a poverty ridden routine in the future.

i can't help it. it's the way my brain always worked. i'm at my best, my happiest when i'm being creative, using my imagination and my intellect to express myself in the only way i feel comfortable doing, however cryptic/violent/unmainstream it may be. i think i've developed something of a voice in those departments and i've been working fevershly to perfect it into something other may deem at least worth of some sort of accolades. the only good feelings i ever have involve music or reading or writing, so that's what i've been focusing on for low these many years.

i went to school cause i felt like high school didn't offer me the proper kind of intellectual stimulation, nor the social interaction with people possessing similar interests, so i had hopes that college would yield such opportunities. well the former was mostly satisfied...mostly. the latter? not so much. i just don't like people. i find most of them boring, petty, mean-spirited, self centered, greedy, and generally ignorant to anything outside of the asshole of their own self importance. i feel disgusted and insecure and untrusting of them. they scare me. they hurt themselves and those around them for nothing of any real gratification or accomplishment, armed only with the hopes of somehow alliviating themselves from the sludge by swallowing all of it's poison and vomiting up a more accidic bile onto all those who stand in their way.

the point got lost. i just needed to vent i guess.

House is on.

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