Saturday, September 02, 2006

NP:The Killers-Smile Like Scarfs are 25% off

last weekend of summer. it was quite a mother-fucker of a season. the last week has been grey and cold and miserable. my sleep patterns are on Alaska time right now. been busy editing down songs i've worked on for pretty much the whole summer. still wrapping my brain around the fact that my last semester starts in a few days. no more school. i should be the happiest boy in the world. moving up. moving on. but i know it's not going to be that easy. the past is an albatross whose corpse still hasn't emptied its bowels entirely...it just ocasionally farts in your face, maybe letting a little poo-nugget graze your person every now and then.

i'm overall pleased with how this college thing went. took five years, but i've kept a reasonably solid track record in the grade department. too bad i blew it in the "getting your fuck on" department. don't know what is wrong with me...maybe i do put women on a pedestal, creating standards and ideals that no one could possibly live up to...i don't wanna say "confidence", because that's what guys and girls who have no trouble with finding people say is my problem...it's a little hard to feel good about yourself when you can't relate to 90% of the people you meet in the walk of life. when you listen to their conversations and realize how little you have in common with them in almost every possible way. then when you finally meet someone who you can stomach with cast-iron dependibilty, you're ill-prepared. you're so used to being the sullen introvert or the sardonic commentator that you don't know how to take advantage of the situation. you try being honest, but i have a tendency to be almost hyper-honest, which is to say i come on way to strong, intimidating and perplexing the girl i'm interested in. that and also since i spend an inordinate amount of time examining every single possibilty, that my timing gets fucked, and someone who knows whether he's coming or going...shit whether YOU'RE coming or going...swoops in and finds himself pleased as a pup that he's got another thread for the lattice.

anxious. depressed. unsure. barf-bellied.

School's Back In Session.