Friday, January 05, 2007

10 Things I Hate About Myspace Users

1. post "wow you're so hot" in the comment/picture section of an obviously fake cam-whore's profile. She's not going to fuck you.

2. create a music page for their one-man shit-house bedroom band. you're never going to have a real band because you have no talent or imagination and everyone thinks you're a cheesy loser.

3. thinking that because you're "friends" with Dresden Dolls and you post empty-head compliments in their blog means that you and Amanda Palmer are on a first name basis, and someday you'll sip tea and listen to Einsturzende Neubauten together and you'll pretend you actually know who Einsturzende Neubauten is and she'll think you're a real cool time. not in this life, you basketball full of smegma.

4. being a 15 year old prick tease. either stop being 15 or tell your parents to lift the restaining order. you can't have it both ways. seriously though...you're fucking 15 years old. you've got your whole life to be a penis-ashtray. go enjoy your youth and budding beauty, and for the love of all that is good and true stop fucking the fucking lowest common denominator. believe or not, you're better than that. or maybe not. whatever. just keep this in mind; CREEPY LONERS ARE RAPING YOU IN THEIR MEMORY.

5. being naively inconsiderate when it comes to others feelings. IT DOESN'T TAKE TWO WEEKS TO RESPOND TO MESSAGES YOU HALF-RETARDED CLOD. STOP TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY HAVE A LIFE AND JUST GIVE IN TO THE VICE.

6. seriously...she's not going to fuck you.

7. being Tom. i'm willing to bet Tom never had a real friend in his life. i can sort of relate...i just hate hate hate that gaytarded picture of him.

8. posting embarrassingly confessional blogs. i don't care about pretty much everything that you think is important. you're boring and lame and also lame. also you're boyfriend is not hot or special, he's a dipshit loser who plays violent video games, listens to ICP, and tried reading "The Turner Diaries" but couldn't wrap his mind around its "complex social statements"...and he probably beats you...and he's fucking youR best friend because she's an even uglier sack of thrush with even shittier self esteem than YOU. get the gun.

9. posting a suicide note in the Bulletins. stop wasting bandwith with your self-important melodrama. you're no where near as depressed as you think you are, and no one cares. you want revenge? well, your vendetta against the cruel cold world that let you down won't be satisfied by posting a typo-riddled sob story over the fucking internet.

10. telling people to repost bulletins. you're a lazy asshole and i hate you. and she's not going to fuck you.

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