Wednesday, January 31, 2007

NP:Wu-Tang Clan-C.R.E.A.M.

HOLY DOG-FUCK I AM BORED.

i seriously hate the lot of you.

i watched Barton Fink twice today.

someone made a joke about J.R. Hayes and Jacob Bannon forming a support group for people who can't get over the fact that girls they fell in love with close-to-a-decade ago are fucking other guys. as much as i've admired the recorded output of their respective groups, Pig Destroyer and (to a lesser extent) Converge, i couldn't help but crack a smile...than become insulted/depressed because i would more than likely be a charter member of the group.

the fact that i'm still harping on "that girl" is more rooted in a morbid dependence on those feelings the "relationship" brings out of me, thusly creating material for my own creative endevors, than it is rooted in some kind of a jockhole "bitch did me wrong" sense of jilted-loverism. seems every year i uncover a new layer to each of us, and a new way to revist and reinterpret an event whose details have been long-since distorted, plunging the whole affair into the sludgy realm of horror dramadey and self-conciously gothic opera. it isn't even as though no other girl has entered my life...quite a few have, and many of them have ended up in hurt...but for some reason i can't shake that one off me.

this isn't healthy. it's been like 8 years since all that shit went down. we're barely the same people we were. things never did get better, though. they got more convoluted...more bitter. yet i still wait on the resolve.

that's what everything i do is for i guess. not trying to figure anything out...not trying to feel better about myself...not trying to better understand what's happening to and around me...only to rage against it. bark at it. lob milky gobs of phlegm into its face after kicking most of its teeth down its fucking throat.

i wanna go on tour yesterday.

NP:Iskra-A Pig in Every Home

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